


THE RETURN OF THE REVENGE OF THE JACK-IN-THE-BOX, TOO!

by BlackRoseShiori



Category: Darkwing Duck (Cartoon 1991)
Genre: Gen, and morgana sort of, another fic rescued from 1998, cameos by neptunia and herb, the title honestly says it all
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-17
Updated: 2019-06-17
Packaged: 2020-05-13 06:11:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,161
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19245421
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlackRoseShiori/pseuds/BlackRoseShiori
Summary: Another fic that I wrote over 20 years ago! The contents of the story are exactly what's advertised in the title. As always, prepare yourselves for obscure DuckTales references and random Star Trek quotes.





	THE RETURN OF THE REVENGE OF THE JACK-IN-THE-BOX, TOO!

**Author's Note:**

> Here we have another Darkwing fic that I wrote in 1998! I'm not sure where I got the copy I found on an old laptop, but it was riddled with formatting issues, as well as needing some heavy editing. I remember being rather proud of this one, but upon reading it for the first time in at least 7 years (since that's the last time I turned on this laptop) I was slapped in the face by the feeling that it was written in a rush. Like I just had to get the idea out of my head and into the world ASAP.
> 
> So I've fixed the most obvious issues, while still trying to keep that late-90s feel. I didn't want to over-edit, because frankly I would have just ended up rewriting the whole thing, and ain't nobody got time for that.

"Watch it!" Darkwing Duck screamed as his motorcycle, The Ratcatcher, headed straight towards rear-ending a garbage truck. 

"Sorry!" the driver, Quiverwing Quack, called as she swerved and just missed the truck. 

Darkwing scrunched down lower in the side car, afraid for his life. He had to ask himself if it had been a good idea to let his daughter, Gosalyn, take her first licensed drive on HIS motorcycle. 

It had started out innocently enough; they were just parallel parking. Then, an alarm had gone off in a neighboring mall and Gosalyn, already dressed as Quiverwing, had taken off without a word to her father. 

After arriving at the mall, a security guard had told them that someone had taken all the money out of the wishing fountains, and had gotten in and out without being noticed. 

"Who could steal the money out of a bunch of water fountains without being noticed?" Darkwing had asked, obviously talking to himself. 

Quiverwing had rolled her eyes, "How 'bout somebody made out of water, Cosmo?" she said, sarcastically. 

Darkwing blinked for a couple of seconds and then said, "Something tells me that this could be the work of The Liquidator! The most dangerous criminal ever!" 

And, with that, Quiverwing jumped back on the bike and raced down the street; following a very fortunate row of coins. 

Now, Darkwing found himself trapped on a motorcycle that was going at least 100 mph down a dead end road. 

Suddenly, The Ratcatcher came to a screeching halt. 

Quiverwing jumped off and Darkwing yelled, "What is it?! What's wrong?!" as he immediately pulled out his gas gun. 

Quiverwing gave him an odd look and said, "Geez, dad, chill out." 

"If nothing's wrong, why'd you stop?!" 

She picked up one of the many coins she'd been following and said, "I realized what a "coincidence" it was that this trail was left for us to follow." 

"So?," Darkwing said, "The criminal just slipped up. And if it's Liquidator, he's as slippery as they come." 

"I think it's a trap, dad." 

Darkwing strolled forward, "Trap, schmap! If everything coincidental was a trap, I'd be dead by now!" 

It was all Quiverwing could do to hold her tongue. She opted to cross her arms instead of saying something snide and said, "I'd feel more in control if we followed on foot." 

Darkwing sighed, "Have it your way." 

 

* * * 

The trail of coins finally ended on the pier of Audubon Bay. 

"That's weird," was all Quiverwing could think to say. 

As she and Darkwing stood there, it began to rain. Darkwing took this as a sign to start talking to himself, again. 

"It was raining in the city by the bay. A hard rain. The kind of rain that could wash the slime..." 

"Dad!," Quiverwing interrupted. 

"Yes, dear?" 

"Do you see that?" 

Darkwing went over to the edge of the pier and looked down into the water. 

"See what?" he asked. But just as soon as the words were out of his mouth, he saw exactly what. 

Out of the water leapt The Liquidator. He ran to Darkwing and screamed, "Are you in doubt? Is there no one else for you to turn to? Then call the original terror that flaps in the night!" 

"What are you babbling about?" Darkwing asked. 

Licky calmed down enough to explain in laymen's terms (as well as he could, anyway), "There's something in the bay!" 

Quiverwing reached behind her for her bow, just in case. 

Liquidator went on, "I robbed those fountains to get you here so you could figure out what was going on." 

Darkwing looked suspicious, "You're a tough guy, why couldn't you just take care of it yourself?" 

Licky looked horrified, "You haven't seen this thing!" 

Just as those words were out of his mouth, a large fish plopped up out of the water, onto the pier. 

Liquidator yelled, "It's him!" and subsequently ran away, screaming. 

Darkwing and Quiverwing exchanged a confused glance and Quiverwing asked, "What is so terrifying about a fish?" 

The fish looked up at them, a most evil smile on its face, and said, "Wouldn't you like to know?" before jumping back into the bay. 

Now, it was the heroes' turns to scream. The fish's voice had been unmistakable. 

"We're gonna need backup!" Darkwing called over his shoulder at Quiverwing. 

They had taken off sprinting across the pier at top speed as soon as the fish had spoken. It would not have been a good idea to stick around. 

* * * 

"You're scared of a talking fish?," Neptunia questioned. 

Back in the tower atop Audubon Bay Bridge, Darkwing had called in St. Canard's resident expert on all things sea-like. 

Neptunia had once been a little fish, but had mutated into a lean, mean, pollution fighting machine. And she was the only person Darkwing could think of to ask for help. 

"Personally," Neptunia continued, "I'd be proud of the little guy." 

"You don't understand," Darkwing explained, "This isn't just a talented fish. This fish is possessed!" 

"Possessed?” Neptunia repeated. “By what?" 

Quiverwing jumped in, howling, "Paaaaaddddyyyyywhaaaack!" and made a scary face. 

"Excuse me?" Neptunia arched a scaly brow at the young hero.

"Paddywhack," she said, normally, "He's a scary jack-in-the-box who feeds off people's pain and humiliation. We threw his box into the ocean a long time ago and a fish ate it." 

"Oh," Neptunia said. 

A little while later, Darkwing sent Neptunia out on her mission...find that fish!

* * * 

 

Darkwing and Quiverwing had taken their special transport chairs from Darkwing Tower back to the Mallard residence. Drake and Gosalyn shot up from the chairs in their living room and practically attacked Launchpad with their story. 

Launchpad McQuack, trusty sidekick and all around nice guy, had been quietly watching Pelican's Island on T.V. when his friends started yelling out some cockamamie story. 

"There we were...!" 

"There he was...!" 

"Large as life and right in my face...!" 

"No match for Darkwing Duck...!" 

"No match for The Quiverwing Quack...!" 

"What?!" Launchpad asked, confused. 

"Paddywhack!" Drake and Gosalyn yelled, simultaneously. 

With the mention of that name, Launchpad was hiding under the couch so fast that Drake and Gosalyn didn't even see him move.

Drake continued on, "I'm going out to find Quackerjack tonight. He spent the most time with Paddywhack all those years ago. Maybe he'll know something that we don't." 

"I don't know," Launchpad said from under the couch, his voice muffled, "We know an awful lot about him." 

Drake pulled his friend out from under the furniture, "Don't be a baby, Launchpad! We defeated him once; it's just a matter of doing it again." 

Gosalyn had made herself comfortable on the sofa once Launchpad had vacated it, and was now watching the news. Upon hearing the title of the top story, she began stuttering, "D-dad?" 

He paid no attention. He was too busy pacing the room, trying to think of places Quackerjack could be hiding out. 

"Dad? Dad? This is important..." 

"What is it?!" he finally snapped. Gosalyn turned up the volume. 

The anchorman, Tom Lockjaw, was talking, "...earlier today we received an anonymous tip about the whereabouts of Darkwing Duck. My news team and I are heading for 537 Avian Way, a little place in the suburbs where we believe we will find the man behind Darkwing..." 

"What?!" Drake yelled, absolutely frantic. 

"Gee, DW, do ya think P-P-aaa...," Launchpad stammered, unable to say the villain's name. 

"...Paddywhack has something to do with this?," finished Gosalyn. Drake looked at them both, astounded that they would even ask. 

"Of course he has something to do with this! Do you think it's all some bizarre coincidence?! Get real! He knows who I am and now he's ruining my life!" 

Gosalyn thought for a moment, "Well, dad," she said, calmly, "that's what he does." 

 

* * * 

Quackerjack was sleeping in his old abandoned toy factory when a noise woke him. Rubbing his eyes, the clown looked around, but saw nothing unusual. 

"I'm sorry. Did I wake you?" said a familiar voice with mock sincerity. Quackerjack froze. Very few things could actually scare him, he was a little too eccentric for anything to really bother him... 

But this. 

This was something that he just couldn't handle. Not now, not ever again. 

'Maybe I'm dreaming?' he thought to himself. That one hope made him look up and face where the voice had come from. Just as he'd suspected, his doll, Mr. Banana Brain, was floating there above the bed, looking positively demonic. 

Quackerjack pinched himself. It hurt, but Mr. Banana Brain was still there. 

Well, not Mr. Banana Brain. Technically, it was... 

"Paddywhack," Quackerjack said, sounding less frightened than he felt, "When did you get back?" 

"Oh, not long ago," said the evil spirit inside of Quackerjack's doll. 

Paddywhack sighed, "I was nearly starving after Darkwing Duck won our last game. But, you know what they say: Cheaters never prosper." 

Quackerjack had no idea what Paddywhack was talking about, but it intrigued him, nonetheless. 

"What do you mean?," asked Quackerjack, his fear leaving him. 

"I was tired and hungry," said Paddywhack, "And I thought, 'What better first meal than the abject humiliation of Darkwing Duck?'. So, I've come to tell you what I've done. It will make the meal even nicer if you and your associates torture him, as well. Yes...yes...very nice...", Paddywhack trailed off. 

Quackerjack smiled at this. He didn't have to be a humiliation-eating spirit to appreciate destroying Darkwing Duck. And his "friends" would probably like the idea, too. 

"Okay," said Quackerjack, "Count me in." 

With that, the smile faded from Mr. Banana Brain's face and the light left his eyes. He fell to the ground, an empty puppet once again.

 

* * * 

"So, you're telling me that the evil spirit of a clown that eats humiliation for lunch was telling us you were Darkwing Duck just to get back at you for something?" 

"Exactly," Drake said to Tom Lockjaw. 

The press had been hassling him for hours now, and were finally beginning to believe that Drake was NOT Darkwing Duck. Paddywhack watched everything from the shadows of the Mallard's living room. This was not going according to plan. 

So, Paddywhack decide to fix it...just a little. 

"So, thank you for thinking I'm a super hero, but I'm afraid you'll have to leave now," Drake said, pushing Tom towards the door. Unfortunately, before the news anchor was out of eye shot, the transport chairs began spinning. 

"What the blazes is that!," Tom asked, stunned. 

Gosalyn ran up and said, "That's my...my...um...science project! Perpetual Motion of easy chairs!" 

Tom grinned; he may be an airhead, but even HE didn't buy that story! 

"Now," Tom said, walking over to the chairs, "What kind of person would have spinning chairs in their living room? I ask you." 

Launchpad answered, "Someone who likes to go out for a spin sometimes?" 

Tom frowned at him. Drake was about to give it up, but Gosalyn wasn't through yet. For her dad, she'd ruin her reputation...if that's what it took. 

She sauntered over to Tom and said, "Fine! You got me! I use these chairs to get in and out of the house to see my boyfriends! I didn't want Pops over here to find out," she now glared at Tom, "But SOMEBODY had to go and open his big yap about it!" 

Tom looked almost embarrassed. 

He shooed his camera crew towards the door, and turned to Drake, "I'm sorry, Mr. Mallard; I should never have taken that stupid call seriously." 

"Yeah, whatever," said Drake, and slammed the door in the anchor man's face. 

Drake then walked over and hugged his daughter. "Thanks, Gos," he said, "That was pretty quick thinking. Plus, I think you made that cheesy reporter feel bad." 

"Actually," Gosalyn laughed, "I think he felt bad for you. I am, after all, a "troubled teenager"." They all had a nice laugh over that one. Gosalyn wasn't a problem child, she just had a lot of spirit. Everyone and their dog knew that. 

If the anyone in the room had decided to look around in that moment of relieved laughter, they would have seen a sinister shadow, with the shape of a clown, convulsing in the corner; his fangs glistening, hungrily. 

 

* * * 

"So, you're telling me that the evil spirit of a clown that eats humiliation for lunch was telling you who Darkwing Duck is...to get back at him for something?," asked Megavolt, upon hearing Quackerjack's story. 

"Exactly!" Quackerjack yelled. Megavolt, and Bushroot exchanged a glance which probably meant, 'he's had one too many yoyos dropped on his head', and then erupted into laughter. 

"Fine!" Quackerjack proclaimed, "Don't believe me! But...!" 

He was cut off by a warbling scream from the doorway. 

"It's true!," yelled the Liquidator, "I saw it! There is a clown more insane than Quackerjack! Accept no substitutes!" 

Quackerjack motioned towards Liquidator, "See? This means I'm telling the truth!" 

"No," said Megavolt, "All this means is that you've both cracked!" 

"Oh, go stick your finger in a light socket!" said Liquidator, then decided that was probably not the best come-back in the world, considering. 

After a moment more of laughter on Megavolt and Bushroot's parts, they were silenced when Bushroot saw a dark shadow slipping silently across the floor. 

"Hey...uh...hey, guys," he tried to say, but the shadow was instantly on top of Quackerjack. It happened so fast, they thought their partner in crime was toast. Then, the shadow was gone and Quackerjack was still intact. However, his doll now seemed to have a mind of its own. 

It floated up from Quackerjack's shoulder and said, "You are the ones I need for my plan! Yes...you will all do nicely. You have much hatred within you," he paused, "But, right now...I need a...snack." 

 

* * *

 

Darkwing made Gosalyn stay home for this one.

He was now on his way to tracking down Quackerjack, in hopes that he would know something about Paddywhack's return that no one else would. 

The first place Darkwing could think of to look was Quackerjack's old toy factory. 

Darkwing brought the Ratcatcher to a halt outside the factory and decided to sneak in, instead of his usual flashy entrance. 

It didn't take him long to realize that no one was around. Although, they hadn't left too long ago. Darkwing began talking to himself (a rather unfortunate habit.) 

"As the caped crime fighter deduces the whereabouts of the renegade rogue...he stumbles upon...a battery pack?" Darkwing picked up the large battery pack and examined it. "That's not like Quackerjack. He always prides himself in toys that don't need batteries. 

Toys that are more old fashioned." As Darkwing pondered the meaning of this, a dark shadow crossed the floor and descended upon him. 

"Hello, Daaaaaarkwing,” came the chillingly familiar voice.

Darkwing's suppressed a shudder. 

"What do you want now, Paddywhack?" Darkwing asked with a conviction he didn't really feel. 

Of, course, Paddywhack could sense his fear and said, "I'd never lost a game before I met you. Now it's time for a re-match." With that, a whirlwind began forming all around Darkwing and he felt a sudden wave of Deja vu. He knew what was coming. 

For whatever reason, Paddywhack had come to take Darkwing inside his home...the Jack-in-the-Box. A place of psychedelic colors and bubble gum trees. Darkwing was cringing just at the thought. Dropping the battery, hoping that he would eventually find out why it was in Quackerjack's factory, he relaxed and just let the wind carry him away, thinking perhaps he would be safer if he didn't put up any kind of fight. 

Paddywhack didn't look pleased when he saw Darkwing's face go blank, but he knew that would change soon. Paddywhack smiled, his fangs glistening as he imagined the  
looks on his knew play-mates' faces. 

* * * 

Quiverwing paced Darkwing Tower in a huff. Launchpad and Honker sat and stared at her. No one knew exactly what to do. 

"That's it!," Quiverwing finally exclaimed. 

"What!," Launchpad and Honker asked, simultaneously. 

They were relieved to get some kind of reaction out of Quiverwing, finally. She had been unresponsive for the two days her dad had been missing, and seemed positively beside herself. She was now running around the Tower, getting her bow and other equipment. 

"What's up, Quiv?" Launchpad asked, again. 

"Get in the Thunderquack!" she ordered him. 

Her tone of voice left no room for argument so he did as she said. 

As she jumped in, she explained, "Dad disappeared looking for Quackerjack, that much is obvious. The thing is, I don't think it was Quackerjack he found. That means he would've only gotten so far before disappearing. All we have to do is think like him long enough to get to where he was, and then continue with his investigation until we find what he never got a chance to!" 

Launchpad blinked an few times and asked, "Do you know where he would have gone?" 

Quiverwing buckled her seatbelt and said, "He would have gone to Quackerjack's old toy factory, first thing. We'll do the same. Maybe he left a trail for us to follow. Bread crumbs, or paint, or something." 

Launchpad shrugged and took off for the abandoned factory that was at one time Quackerjack Toys. "I just hope we don't run into whatever DW did," said Launchpad. 

"I think we both know what he 'ran into', Launchpad." 

"I know," Launchpad said, a waver in his voice, "But I don't want to have to think about it." 

After a few minutes of silent flight, Launchpad set the plane down gently (for him, anyway) on the large empty street outside just the old factory. Quiverwing decided to just walk right in. She felt ready for whatever would greet them inside. 

Unfortunately, she wasn't prepared for absolutely nothing. The room she entered was palatial, her breathing seemed to echo with a metallic clang. The floor was devoid of any old toys, or garbage, or even a misplaced nail. The air seemed stale. Quiverwing knew immediately someone must be covering their tracks. 

"But that's not like him," she said to herself, "He never cared about being sneaky before." A thought suddenly occurred to her and she gasped, "Unless he's gone back! Unless he's already gotten what he wants!" 

She walked through the room. Her knees felt weak, and for the first time in her life, she truly felt out of control. Her worst fears were coming true and she cursed the deductive reasoning her dad had taught her so well. 

It was the perfect game of revenge. Paddywhack first tried to feed, then took out his years of pent-up anger on Darkwing, probably killing him, and retired to his box. 

"No," Quiverwing said out loud. The voice she heard was not the head-strong teenager she had become, but the little girl she used to be, "This can't be the end. There has to be more. Dad would never want me to give up. So I won't." 

As she tried to clear her eyes of the tears that had welled up, she saw something dark sitting in one dark corner of the room. She stood and cautiously approached it. Reaching down to pick it up, she saw that it was some kind of battery pack. It was shaped like a box, plain and smooth, but had some kind of mechanism sticking out of the side. She ran out with it. 

"Launchpad!" She yelled, running up to the Thunderquack, "What does this look like to you?!" 

Launchpad examined the item and said, "It looks like a battery pack for something." 

"Yeah, but what does this little thingy sticking out of the side make you think of?" 

Launchpad didn't hesitate, "A Jack-in-the-Box." 

"Exactly! Do you know what this means?!" 

"No." 

"It means we have a chance of getting dad back! This was definitely made to fit a Jack-in-the-Box's box, correct? Well, think about it, if Paddywhack was going to resort to using batteries to get his box open, maybe it means that the thing is wearing out after all this time! Since he left it behind, he must be out of time! Imagine a desperate spirit about to be trapped forever in a box. Alone. What would he do? He wouldn't just sit around and wait to starve." 

Launchpad looked completely lost, though impressed by how smart Gosalyn was getting. 

Gosalyn flailed her arms around, "What if he took some people in with him?! The only people who had ever amused him?! Dad and Quackerjack! That would explain why neither can be found!" 

She was so excited that Launchpad was beginning to feel less afraid of Paddywhack. But, then a thought occurred to him, "How are we supposed to find the box?" 

"Well," said Quiverwing, "We'll just have to wait for a sign." 

 

* * * 

 

Darkwing looked all around him and was startled by what he saw. Quackerjack was there, dressed in a business suit, his wacky attire gone. Megavolt was standing on a tread-mill with his hands taped to the handle, wearing clothes that had gone out of style over a decade ago. Liquidator was spinning around in a washing machine, eternally on the 'spin' cycle, and Bushroot was stuffed, head first, into a pot of dirt. 

None of them looked happy. Though, that was to be expected. Darkwing finally got up the nerve to look at himself. 

He was dressed in red shorts with a blue tank top and a yellow bandanna around his neck. He realized that he must look like a complete goof and flushed with embarrassment. Behind him he heard, "Dark, darling..." 

He spun and saw Morgana McCawber looking at him, her eyes wide. Then, much to his dismay, she began laughing hysterically. He tried to pull his hat over his face, but noticed that it had become an orange sun visor. After a moment, Morgana's laughter turned into Paddywhack's mad cackle as Morgana dissolved to reveal the evil clown. 

"Very nice...very very nice," sighed Paddywhack, feeding off Darkwing's embarrassment. 

The villains who could see him at the moment were shooting Darkwing a glance practically begged him to do something. But, at the moment, he was in the same position they were. A subject of abject humiliation. 

 

* * * 

 

Later that night (though, in a box, you can't really tell night from day) Paddywhack's prisoners were all amazed by the fact that the clown actually had to sleep. As soon as he was out of sight, the group congregated. 

"Okay, here's what I was thinking," began Darkwing, "This is a box, right?" 

Everyone nodded. 

"Well, a box has sides. I think this whole landscape we see is a clever illusion, and if we work together, we can find a way to tip the box over and find the top." 

The Fearsome Four shrugged. This was as good a plan as any, as far as they were concerned. 

They all split up and started running. Bushroot was the first to hit a wall. He bounced off and cried out, "Ouch!" 

Liquidator splashed up against side number two, then Quackerjack hit a wall, and then Darkwing hit number four. Megavolt stopped running as soon as he saw Darkwing hit. He hadn't wanted to bash his brains out in the first place. 

"Okay," Darkwing whispered, "On the count of three, we all run towards my wall!" 

They positioned themselves and Darkwing counted, "One...two...THREE!" 

They all ran full-force into a wall. 

 

* * * 

 

Outside the box, an over-weight duck wearing a Hawaiian shirt heard something fall in the kitchen. He went exploring and found an old-fashioned Jack-in-the-Box lying in the middle of the floor. He picked it up, completely perplexed. 

Finally, he called up the stairs, "Honker! Is this yours?!" 

The duck's seventeen year old son came down the stairs and asked, "Is what mine?" 

At the sight of the box, Honker gasped and grabbed it from his father, "Yeah, dad, it's mine! Thanks!" 

With that, he ran out the front door. 

Herb Muddlefoot stood alone in the kitchen, scratching his head. 

 

* * *

 

Without bothering to knock, Honker ran into the Mallard's house, just next door to his own. 

"Gosalyn!," he yelled, "Launchpad!" He looked at his watch, it was eleven o'clock. They'd either be asleep or on patrol. Since they didn't seem to be home, Honker concluded it was the latter. He jumped in a transport chair and hit the mouse detective statue on its head. A spin or two or three later, he was all alone in Darkwing Tower. Clutching the box to his chest, he got on a com and called Gosalyn. 

"Quiverwing!," he yelled when she popped up, "You've gotta get back here! There was a Jack-in-the-Box in my house!" 

Without a word, Quiverwing's picture blinked out, and not five minutes later she was standing behind a table, glaring at the box. 

"Come on, Honk," she was saying, "This has to be the right box. How many Jack-in-the-Boxes do you have in your house?" 

“Uh, none,” Honker said.  


With a nod, Gosalyn whispered, "That's what I thought. So here goes everything," 

She slowly began winding the crank at the box's side. 

A few seconds later, the lid popped up and she looked inside. 

"Yep. It's empty." 

 

* * * 

 

The prisoners of Paddywhack's box had just drifted off to an uneasy sleep when light came pouring in from somewhere and nowhere. 

Darkwing jumped to his feet and exclaimed, "Someone's opened the lid!" 

They all began calling and yelling for help, but to no avail. Suddenly, Paddywhack appeared before them and screamed, "WHAT FOOL WOULD DARE?!" 

Then, they all heard a female voice echoing throughout their surroundings, "HOW ARE WE SUPPOSED TO GET HIM OUT?" 

Paddywhack grinned, "I know that voice. She is a devilish one with much spirit." He began rising out of the box, "I will enjoy this meal." 

Darkwing glared after him. 

 

* * * 

 

Quiverwing screamed as Paddywhack leapt out of the box, quite unexpectedly. 

Launchpad just gave up and passed out. 

Honker closed his eyes. 

"Why, hello," Paddywhack said. 

"Hiya," Quiverwing grinned at him, "I've been waiting a long time to play again. You're not afraid, are you?" 

Paddywhack laughed, "I fear nothing! I never lose!" 

Quiverwing tsk-tsked, "Oh, but you are fibbing, fibbing, fibbing! You lost to Darkwing and Quackerjack last time, remember?" 

Quiverwing hoped it wasn't her imagination when she saw Paddywhack shrink just a little. 

She decided to continue, "Yeah, I bet you felt really dumb living inside a fish for almost a decade, huh? Good thing a shark didn't eat you..." 

"ENOUGH!" bellowed Paddywhack as he leapt at Quiverwing. She stepped out of the way and the clown ran into a flashing bulkhead. 

Quiverwing laughed at him, "That's pretty good, Paddums. On a scale of one to ten, I give it a seven. Sorry, the dismount was a little rough..." 

Paddywhack was definitely shrinking now. And, he was furious. His eyes burned red and his fangs seemed more menacing than usual as he struck out at Quiverwing. This time, he caught her, but was soon blinded by a pie to the face. 

Quiverwing smiled at Honker, who was holding up a Spoffo-650 Pie Gun. He gave her his best macho look and shot another pie at Paddywhack. Gosalyn was glad S.H.U.S.H. had discontinued the Expando-Whamo Pies. The clown had now visibly shrunken down to about the same height as Darkwing. As he wiped pie out of his eyes, Gosalyn and Honker laughed, causing Paddywhack to shrink even more. 

Finally, Quiverwing grabbed a video camera that was hooked into the main frequency of all the T.V.s in St. Canard. It was lucky that Darkwing sometimes felt the need to address the entire city of a dire emergency. 

"Smile! You're on 'St. Canard's Most Embarrassing Home Videos!'" yelled Quiverwing. 

Paddywhack faced the camera, pie still dripping off his head and down his face. The huge television screen in the Tower showed how ridiculous he looked. Paddywhack, the great prankster, turned a deep crimson from head to toe. 

"No fair!" He squeaked as he disappeared into nothing. On the table, the box exploded and Darkwing, Quackerjack, Megavolt, Liquidator, and Bushroot appeared where it had once been. 

"Wow, your hideout's in one of the Audubon Bay Bridge Towers?" questioned Bushroot. 

"For that real super hero feel, make your home two hundred feet above solid ground!" Liquidator exclaimed. 

Darkwing looked annoyed, to say the least. 

"Darkwing!" Quiverwing yelled, running to him and giving him a big hug. 

"G-er...Quiv, did you stop him all by yourself?" Darkwing asked, seeing Launchpad still sprawled out on the floor. 

"Yep! Just me and Honker!" 

Darkwing smiled and offered a compliment (which was very rare), "I'm very proud of you." 

Quiverwing puffed up with pride. 

"Good job, Honk man!" Darkwing said to Honker. Honker smiled and nodded. 

"Now, for you," Darkwing turned to the villains, "Quiverwing, do we still have that mind-eraser do-hickey?" 

"Somewhere," she said as she scurried off to find it. 

A moment later, she came back with the device in hand. 

Darkwing aimed it at the villains and turned it on. The red and white spinning circle immediately stupefied the villains. Except for Megavolt, but Darkwing never worried about him remembering anything anyway.

"Now, you guys have no idea where Darkwing Duck's hideout is, and if Megavolt tries to tell you, you just nod and think he's crazy." 

He turned the device off and the villains remained stupid. Launchpad finally woke up and helped load the bad guys into the Thunderquack for quick transport to the St. Canard Super Villain Prison. 

When they snapped out of their hypnosis, they were behind bars. 

 

* * * 

 

"Yep, yep, yep," Drake sighed as he stretched out on his living room sofa, "Another evil attempt thwarted by Darkwing Duck." 

"And Quiverwing Quack," said Gosalyn. 

"Yeah," Drake smiled, "Her too." 

 

* * *

 

Little did the heroes know that a toy factory over in Duckburg was manufacturing new Jack-in-the-Boxes that Gizmoduck popped out of. On the line, men and woman checked for defects by turning the cranks and making sure the little doll came out properly. One woman came across a box that opened, but was empty. 

"Hey, Patrick, we have a loser here." 

A chubby duck walked over and took the box from the manufacturing line. Up in his office, he looked it over and decided that it wasn't worth his time trying to fix. As he threw it into the trash, he didn't notice a pair of eyes that popped up under the lid. 

Everyone working the line heard a scream from Patrick's office. 

"What's wrong?!" one of the women called. There was no answer. 

Cautiously, she entered the office and saw the reject box sitting on his desk. She turned the crank for the heck of it, but the box didn't open this time. 

It was definitely broken beyond repair. Wild horses couldn't rip the thing open. 

No one ever saw Patrick again. 

 

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> I was today years old when I realized that Paddywhack is most likely based on Pennywise from "It."


End file.
